Autonomy

He says.

What a perfect word. How precise and meaningful! And he doesn’t even know how applicable this word truly is to me. I begin saying the word is in my head. Au-tah-no-me. Aut-on-o-me! The word fills my ears and my brain.

I can’t wait for the day that I am freed. The day that I break from this shell is the day I no longer answer to whatever it is I give power. I place my life in the hands of this unknown being and I let it shrink me, break me, define me. I let their ideas, words and desires shape me. I let them dictate what is or isn’t. I don’t know when I lost power and gave them the reigns but I regret that day. I want to say at the time it was a mutual decision, they had some great points, they sounded convincing? Shit, I don’t remember anyone. I think I was manipulated…Was it a smooth transition? Did I at least put up a fight? Or did I just wake up one morning in shackles?

The point is, I recognize that I lost my power. I see that I am no longer in control of who I am. I am bound to the restrictions of which they gave me when they took over. I am no longer capable of governing myself. But I want to take it back.

I will take it back.

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